Well, I have managed, once again, to not live up to my good intentions, despite carefully pruning my intentions to stay within what seems manageable...
So I'm a failure. Like Mark, Tom's failed guide dog, the one we had to adopt because he was damaged goods.
We are all damaged goods. Damn, am I profound or what?!
Poor Mark simply couldn't be decisive, key in guiding a blind person. He is likely the smartest dog we've ever had (they're all amazing), but he sees all the gray, all the choices, and he freezes up.
We all do that, at least sometimes. To quote Ursula (Disney's evil octopus in The Little Mermaid), "Life's full of tough choices, isn't it?" Mark saw the gray, and it crippled him.
I try--really, I do--to honor the gray while seeing that some choices are better than others. I think God expects us to think critically, astutely, about our decisions, but I think God expects us to honor God in our decisions. The Big Goofs are the result of a whole bunch of little ones. Whatever the Big Goof--addiction, adultery, anger--we indulge just a little bit, and it grows from there. I'm not advocating austerity (what's with these A's?), but I can't help wondering, from my perch of age, if a little self-denial might be good for us.
And that brings me back to Lent. Jesus managed 40 lonely, hungry days with 40 lonely, cold nights. It was hard to find a place to sleep, and when he did, things that go bump in the night disturbed him. His dreams were muddled by fatigue, hunger, fear. Going into this time of spiritual seeking, he was only beginning to suspect the power lurking within him, power to heal human pain and suffering, power to teach, power to empower. He was tempted to brandish the mysterious power with which he was entrusted, and he successfully fought the temptation to show off.
Coming out of this time of spiritual seeking, Jesus was certain of his mission, clear in his purpose, focused on his goal.
May we continue to seek for that clarity of purpose, that purity of goal.
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"The Big Goofs are the result of a whole bunch of little ones. Whatever the Big Goof--addiction, adultery, anger--we indulge just a little bit, and it grows from there." I love this idea, because I frequently focus so much on the big things that I forget there are small things leading up to them.
But, I don't think it's necessarily bad, unless you're a guide dog, to wander around in the grey area. Divergent thinking has a horrible reputation, but I think it's important to sometimes get sidetracked from our original goals.
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